Sunday, January 16, 2011

One Month Gone: World Starts to End

It has been over a month since my last post. Apparently I will not be able to keep this up, unless I want the world to end in 2012.
Without my posts the world is going crazy. It will end within a year! The signs are obvious!

Half of Australia is drowning. Instead of dying of thirst, as they should.
Birds are falling from the sky. Instead of wrecking havoc on cornfields, as they should.
Dead fish are rotting on the shores. instead of... what should those even do? I suspect mass suicide. If I were a fish without a purpose, it would be mad not to consider it.

I see you, smart reader of this blog, object: "I'm sure there is a rational explaintion for all of these. One which has nothing to do with you pausing your blog. Just like the mass suicide of fish you proposed!"

First of all, I wouldn't be so sure about the fish. Today's fish are more connected than you might suspect!
Still, if you insist, I turn to the less rational things, just to satisfy you, imaginary reader of this blog:

In the US they are shooting democrats! Shooting the sane politicians in the country with the biggest atomic arsenal in the world seems like a guaranteed way for ending the world.
While it may not be rational, I have to admit crazy gunmen killing politicians is some kind of a tradition in the US. Such shootings have not heralded the apocalypse before. And even if the gunmen themselves heralded it very loudly, those were all wrong.
Or were they?
I leave that to the reader as an exercise.

Still, there's a whole revolution going on in Tunisia! That might be ending the world, might it not? Caution, burning man behind that link. No, not the festival. An actual burning man.
Still, nobody pulls off burning themselves alive quite like Buddhists. This brings me to an unfortunate conclusion. If Buddhists igniting themselves politically about 50 years ago brought the world only a mere 50 years closer to its ending, other people won't fare much better.
How can you dissapoint me so, Tunisia?

What remains? There are suicide bombings!
But that was an everyday thing, even while I was still blogging. Additionally we have already established Buddhists as "World Champions of Killing Themselves Impressively", so if that didn't end the world...
Suicide bombers, even you forsake me now?

But it seems that I might just find something in the US after all: The Pentagon is declaring another war.
The War on Rust.
I see it clearly: The rust eating self-replicating nanobot, which misinterprets its simple order.
Not: "Eat rust!", but "Eat dust!"
And soon there will be a swarm of nanobots, big enough to devour whole deserts! And a good part of my room, now that I think about it.
If that isn't the apocalypse, then what is it?
(Left as another exercise to the reader)

So what I have to do is clear. I leave you with this message:
Legalize Rust!
To save the world!

Spread the word!

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